I feel weird today.

 

I feel weird today. I don’t know if it’s reading this book and thinking about murder and what it means to live as a crazy person and liking this guy and all the stuff I gotta do. Everything feels awful and beautiful all at the same time and it’s making me want to cry but not even in a bad way but not in the usual good way either like i’m too full up with all this love that doesn’t even want to go awaya nd i need to figure out what’s wrong with me. Maybe I’m dehydrated.

I also have bad thoughts. so I guess that cancels that out and its all even again. I like this song :

https://youtu.be/mtf7hC17IBM its how i feel and now i think this blog was all about feeling but my doctor says thats improvement ha

whatevs you care wht i listen to ha Reading the Shining Girls by Lauren Beukes and I keep stopping and thinking the weirdness of everything. Listening to this:
This book is crazy and I don’t want to give it away I just want to talk about it. I like how she’s writing in the present and not all the “he jumped” and “She said” but like it’s happening right now. He jumps. She says.

It goes with the book being about time travel. And then there’s the murdering guy with is freaking me out a little (but not a lot) when I think about the stalker I had. HAs. Ugh. The guy I like I WANT to stalk me and I hope he does but it never really happens like that. I think. I want to write a story with the present tense instead of the past but when i try it feels awkward and like the person if they read it will smirk, smug. Like, “This asshole, who’d they think they are writing this bullshit” and then I keep thinking that and my story dies.

I wan t Ben2Times and the rest of them to come back and let me write something awesome about them but I think I did something wrong, and I don’t know who it is yet.