Apologyy to nowhere

I’m sorry.

I’m sorr I said I would chop your head off.

I’m not going to chop our head off.

I don’t really even think I have the tools for that sort of thing


I like you too much


Not my cup of tea

My mom said when I was little to say that instead of yuck.  But I had to watch this movie for class credit today and what an epic waste of time.  In Pursuit of Silence 2015.  I’m trying to find something positive because I’ve been told to look for the good in everything and that will help me with life and being a better person.  There’s nothing positive about this movie.  I don’t know if somebody really cared.  Like, was there a writer who stayed up late nights struggling over the truthiness of the movie and if it was art?  Did anybody care?  Was it about the money?

Here’s why I don’t like it:  First of all, well let me go back.  I liked the beginning when there were these still shots that got kinda artsy.  I knew it was an artsy movie so i was prepared to be a little bored, but I wan’st prepared to be annoyed.

Who gets to be silent?  They were talking about going in the woods and retreats and noise decibals but who gets to worry about noise decibals when you have to pay the rent.  By the time it got to the second Japanese tea ceremony and goofy silent guy ordering a subway sandwich on a notepad I had had enough.

A very superficial movie.  It should be banned from being screened in schools.  They didn’t even really delve into digital.  Well, I didn’t see the end because I left to go to the bathroom because I wanted to rip my eyeballs out.

Meanwhile, I did find out there are two actually new movies coming out that look cool.  This jd salinger movie   and then 


which is a movie about the guy who wrote winnie the pooh.  Both of these will help me I think get back to Ben2Times and the stories.  I’m not a real writer, but I writer short stories and they make me happy.  I really want to do that again.





“Sucked out by the vacuum of space” a short story

“Are your fingers crossed?” Stephania asked Ben2Times. They were sitting on the bed of the dirty motel room at the Kand’s End Glen Inn #2.  Nobody knew where Glen was.

The girl down the hall said he had retired to Glen Ken Meadows, down the way, but no one saw him travel there.  Only thing they knew is that they took his money three weeks ago when they checked in on this row.  They being Stephania and Ben2Times in Room 11. Then Jenny #7 in room 10 (she liked to play Texas Hold’em and kept a slew of Jacks tucked under her dirty blouse sleeve), TomBoy in room 9 (no one knew about him) (yet), and Stacy in room 8 (she was very cool and gave them all gum when she passed by) (but it was weird, the only time they ever saw her was when she was passing by, never in a spot or one place or actually somewhere, just walking by) Oh and Stacy liked to mumble.  Something close to “An eye for an eye was all he could buy” was all Stephania could make out.

Ben2Times disagreed, he said she was saying “A buy for an eye was all she could spy…” but that didn’t make sense to Stephania.  They tried to piece it all together.  Stacy was short, that was for sure.  Very short lady!!, as Stephania’s great-great uncle Gadget would say.  He was dead now. 98.  When he died she listened to her aunt moan and moan in the night, it was creepy because she always crept up slowly to the edge of Stephania’s bed when she was sleeping and moaned from down there.

She would wait though.  Aunt San would wait until it was dark or Stephania had just fallen asleep or until she had crept all the way to the bottom of the bed where you couldn’t hear her coming and then start to moan.  Low.  scare.gif

And almost couldn’t hear.  It was not a nice thing and Stephania just lay in the bed with her covers pulled tight to her throat because she didn’t know what to do.  Then the groaning would get a little louder but she was too scared to roll to the bottom or look over the edge and the wall was on the other side of the bed.  Then the hand.  Well, the fingers.  The fingers pale, cold would slide up and grip the very edge of the comforter and start to pull gently.  Then they went under.  She could feel the cold fingers tapping her ribs and-

“What the fuck Stephania!” Ben2Times yelled. “Who the fuck are you talking to?!” he yelled and shook her shoulders.

“Oh, was I talking?” she asked.

“Wha- fuck yes you were going on really fast about some super scary shining lady shit… crawling up your bed I don’t wanna hear that shit right now… ughhhh.. jeez…” Ben2Times said.

Stephania looked down at the dingy comforter and gathered her thoughts.  “Was I talking out loud?”

“Yes!” Ben2Times said.  “And you were starting to tap me in my chest with your fingers.  More like jab.”

“Oh… my bad.”

She looked over at him, “Am I talking out loud now?”

“No,” Ben2Times replied, “You’re talking normal, in our heads.  …damn, that was scary.”

She stretched her legs out and craned her neck. “Well get over it. It’s over now, let’s not make a federal case about it.” she said.

Ben2Times got up and walked to the window of the room.  He made a little cup in the blinds with his fingers and jumped back when he saw the eye.

“Stephania,” he whispered loudly, “Come here.” He motioned to her and bent down to the carpet.

“What? Why are you whispering?”

Ben2Times put his finger to his lips for her to be quiet and looked around the room wildly.  He found the switch and crawled over to it to turn out the light, then he crawled back toward Stephania.

“There’s someone at the window!” he hissed in her ear, “and they’re watching us.”

“No, it’s not.” she hissed back, “you’re probably being paranoid again… ever since that leech…”

“No!” Ben2Times hissed louder, “I saw its eye. It’s there… watching us.”

“Ok, ok.” Stephania stood up and started to strip off her clothes. “You think a groppy little eyeball is going to scare me after that scary-ass shit I just told you about my auntie…” She laughed and kicked away her pants.

Ben2Times stopped being scared for a moment while she crossed her arms in front of her and then lifted up her shirt.  She tossed it over the back of a chair.

“Well,” she said and looked over pointedly at Ben2Times, “Only one thing left…” she smiled and hooked her thumbs under the sides of her g-string and pulled it to the floor.

When she bent over Ben2Times completely forgot the eyeball and had a hard time understanding where they were or why they were there or what constellation they were on exactly.

Stephania cleared her throat and headed toward the door.

“Wait!” he yelled, “Stephania no!”

But it was too late and she did a full out Bruce Lee spin and kicked open their own door.

“Hellllllooo EYEBALL MAN!!” she screeched and started to bunny hop out the door.

“Why is she bunny hopping?” Ben2Times thought.

“Because it’s funny!” she yelled back and continued to hop nakedly down the hallway.

Ben2Times snapped out of it and ran into the yellow lit hall.  It was night out and the 2nd floor balcony hallway gave a pretty good view out into the night.  He looked left and right and down below the railing… but they were alone.

“See!” Stephania yelled back over her green shining shoulder, “Just you and me Ben!” and she hopped a little further down the hallway.

He couldn’t help himself but grin as he watched her green butt bounce up and down the aisle. “What an idiot..” he thought.

“Hey I heard that…” he heard.

Just then the door to Room #1 flew open.  Stephania stopped hopping and turned to walk quickly to their room.  She ducked in the door just as someone emerged from Room 1.

It was Glen!

“Glen!” Ben2Times yelled.  “Hey man, we need to talk to you-“

Ben2Times stopped short as he saw the look in Glen’s eyes.  Glen was terrified.

“Glen? What happened?  Are you ok?” Ben2Times asked.

“H…hel…help me…”

Stephania ran back out of the room while pulling on her pants leg and grabbed Ben2Times.

“Do not touch him… don’t even get near…” she said.

“Why?” Ben2Times asked, “He needs help.  We need to help him-“

“No!” she replied, “He has the touch.”

“The touch?  What touch?”

Before she could answer a hand slowly emerged from the bottom of Room 1’s doorway.  It finger walked its way into the light and stopped short right at the wrist. It was half in the dark and half in the light, a weird disembodied hand doing that finger crawl thing you do when you finger walk toward something…hand2.gif

“Whose hand is that?” Ben2Times whispered to Stephania.

“I don’t know. How should I know something like that?” she replied.

Glen turned his head slowly in their direction and looked at them with those pleading eyes.  Then his eyes turned from pleading to angry and then to pure hate.

“Uh oh.”

“Let’s get outta here…”

Glen’s eyes went from brown to a metallic-looking black and started to stream a black shiny liquid. The black tears dripped onto his sweat-stained white shirt as his forehead and skin started to concave in.  His upper face and eyes melted into his head and then a big gaping hole was there.  Almost immediately, one huge white and yellow-lined eye as big as a dinner plate popped out into the place where his two eyes had been.

Stephania shrieked and Ben2Times grabbed her hand as they ran back into their room and locked the door. Before they could drag the bed over to block the doorway they heard his heavy shoes clomping down the hall. As they were pushing the dresser up to fortify the bed they heard a small tapping at the window.

“Do not look out that window.” Ben2Times said.

“I know,” said Stephania, “But what do we do now?”

“Well, let’s just calm down first.” Ben2Times said. “Since you kicked out the lock we’re gonna have to figure out a way to fix that, but while Glen’s out there just tapping we’re gonna try to ignore it and you’re gonna finish telling me the story I asked for.” He picked up her shirt and then laid it back on the chair. “From the beginning.”

“Ok, well, first take out the note, I’m going to explain the first part.” she said.

They stopped and listened for the tapping.

It wasn’t there anymore.

Then they heard it.  A drip.

Oh good, the faucet still works, Ben2Times thought.

“Yes, it does.” He heard in his head.  But it wasn’t Stephania, it was Glen.

“Crap.” Ben2Times thought, “Now he wants to talk.”

“Well, just ignore him,” Stephania said, “Go under your dome.”

“Okay, good idea.” Ben2Times said and pictured himself crawling under his dome. He secured the heavy opaque glass and didn’t hear a thing.

“Can you hear me?” Stephania called.

“Yep, clear as ice.” he replied.




“How’d you get in here?”

“Oh… well.”

“Wait, what’s that?”

“I don’t hear anything?”



“….an eye for an eye is all I can buy…”

Ah fuck.”


The End. )For now)o jason-x-janessa

“Sucked out by the vacuum of space” -a short story

“Here,” Fritz shoved a tiny square shaped card into Smithann’s hands, “Take this and read it.”

Smithann looked down at the card.  There was a naked woman wrapped and huddled in a comfy looking beige sheet with a shell like a snail on the lower half of her body.  It looked like she was sleeping with the sea behind her and there was a staircase leading to nowhere and it was the dumbest looking card Smithann had ever saw in her life.

“Ahem…” Fritz cleared his throat, “Out loud.  Read it aloud please.”

“Re..Rejuvenation,” Smithann said, “and what does that really mean anyway?”

“My god Smithann!” Fritz exclaimed, “You do not know this word?  What were they teaching you here…I do not understand how…”

“Hey wait, we learned about all kinds of stuff.” Smithann looked at him and furrowed her eyebrows.    “The Generals of the Third Planetary Mattonorn and the Battles of Artheaver 76, The Kill Links, Math… you know, important stuff.” Smithann said.

“Oh I see,” Fritz replied, “important stuff hmmm.” He took the card from her hands and threw it up into the ceiling of the Burger Bop freezer.  They were standing by the stacks of frozen fry mix and had been contemplating taking another trip.  There were brochures scattered all over racks number 6 and 7 and this time they would be sure not to be “taken for suckers” as Fritz had put it.  Planet Blink had been a bust.  They never found the legitimate scrap in that big empty warehouse and had to actually sneak out of there while no one was looking.  Not fun.

“Do you think Ben2Times and Stephania know about all of these planets in here?” she asked Fritz.

He looked at her gravely. “We should not worry about these things.” he said.

“Besides, what is a life full of worry? Here, read this one.” He thrust another tiny card in her hand.

This one had a woman with a red draping robe kinda like a Greek or something but she was sitting on a clump of rocks outside at a weird sunset.  She was sprawled over the stones with her head bent into the crevice of her arm. There was a pool of water in front of her with a huge red flower bigger than her body floating on top.

“Release.” Smithann said, “I know what that means…”

“Uh huh, so now you see…” Fritz replied

“See what?” Smithann asked and looked at him quizzingly. “What does it all mean? … I’m confused.”

“Those are the cards.” Fritz said. “It means what it says.  And you picked them.”

“I don’t like this game,” Smithann replied, “it seems kind of boring.” She threw the final two cards up into the ceiling where they stuck and then froze into the wall.

Then to their surprise the women on the cards got up and walked off of their grid, upside down onto the ceiling, dodging icicles and making their way to the walls.

“Where are they going?!” Fritz yelled.

“Calm down… calm down.” Smithann said as she watched the regal women slowly make their way across the frozen ceiling and down onto the walls,

“Maybe they got bored of all that flower and pond action…” Smithann chuckled and continued to stare mystically at the tiny women.  They were even smaller than Fritz, and he was only 3 inches tall!

Smithann wondered if either she or Fritz should go talk to them first and concluded that since she would probably seem huge to them like a golly green giant that Fritz should go say hi.

“Go say hi.” she said, “and be nice.”

Fritz walked over to the furthest wall of the freezer where the first woman was headed.  It was the wall way at the back of the walk-in freezer, isolated and partly submerged in the dark.  The light bulb shaped square flickered and Smithann wondered why it would do that.

“And Fritz,” she called to him, “I don’t know why I’m saying this, but be careful okay?”

Fritz nodded but as he neared the tiny woman she suddenly let out a wild banshee shriek and leapt from the halfway point on the wall.  As she flew through the air towards him her red robe fluttered massively behind her and her face screwed up tighter and tighter.  Her red-clawed hands were stretched out in front of her and Fritz wondered if they were what was helping her glide so awesomely.

He moved quickly to the left and she slid in a few feet past him like she was sliding into home base.

“Um… hello there,” Fritz called down hesitantly to her, “…and how might you’re day be going so far?” he asked.

She curled up into a loose ball with her arm draped over her knee and her head resting on top of that arm.  It was kind of like how she was before on the her card but without all that other stuff.

“Er…I umm…noticed the fine material of your garment,” Fitz said, “It is very…”

“I wish everyone I knew was dead.” she mumbled down into her arm.

“Um… pardon?” Fritz leaned over closer to her, “Surely you do not mean-“

“I wish…” she looked up suddenly into his eyes and Fritz jumped back, “everyone… I knew…was…dead.”

Fritz just stared at her. Stunning! he thought.  Simply stunning.  Her wild and dewy emerald eyes twirled in her head and her red, red lips glistened as tiny little icicles froze on her lips and drifted away into the freezer.  Fritz leaned in a little closer.

“Well,” he said, “uh… I guess me too.  I wish they were too.” He couldn’t believe what he was saying.  Why was he saying this?

“DEAD!!!!!” she shrieked and leapt up into the air and did a little uppercut hook and then another jab into the air.  Then she went suddenly still and dropped her arms flat onto the sides of her body.

Fritz watched as all the emotion drained from her face.  “Dead.” she whispered and he nodded and walked closer.  “Me, too.”

“Fritz!” Smithann yelled, “whadaryou doin’ back there?”

“Oh, oh!” Fritz snapped out of it and shook his head, “Yes, yes, we are conversing.”

“Good!” Smithann yelled back, “because I can’t find the other one.  I lost her!”

“Mmmhmm…” Fritz nodded absently and walked slowly toward the red flowing creature. Beautiful! He reached out to touch her bare shoulder but she knocked his hand away and hissed at him. Somehow, her eyelids opened even wider and her eyeballs bulged from her head.  He waited a moment and tried again and this time she let him keep his hand there.

“Are you okay?” he asked her.

He noticed her shoulder was covered in dust, which was weird.  “Are your troubles from anxieties?  Fears?  Do not worry,” he said and tried to massage her shoulder.

“And what is your name?” he asked.

AHHHHHHHH” she screeched and reached inside her robe and pulled out a collection of huge gold moons.

“Wait… how did those fit in there?” Fritz asked.

AHHHHHHHHH” she screamed and hurled a huge gold disc toward the other end of the freezer but it shrunk down as it traveled and eventually disappeared into a point.

Suddenly the temperature dropped a few thousand degrees and none of them could move.

Fritz couldn’t really figure out how it had happened but they had somehow moved past the frozen point to some kind of beyond frozen point that was just very slow moving still.

But Fritz had jumped inside his sudsy wheelbarrow right before it happened. Now he cut through the cold with his mind.

“LADY!” he yelled at her in her mind, “you must be very frightened and I know that is why you are acting like this…” he said, “But for us, please, leave this aggression and put your angry moons away.  We will not retaliate to you or your fellow beings, please! We insist.” he said.

Fritz peeped his head up from his wheelbarrow and noticed that things were back to normal.  It was not one hundred thousand times below freezing and he could move again.

“Whew,” he said, “well that was something.” He got out of the wheelbarrow and squeezed some grey and floppy suds from his pants leg.

The woman was seething in a corner, twisting the corners of her red robe until her hands were raw.  Smithann came running up from the other side.  “What was that?” she asked.

“I am unsure at this moment,” Fritz replied, “but maybe it is unnecessary to find out, or rather, unwise… we must ensure that it does not happen again. That is the most important thing.” He reached into his wheelbarrow and pulled out a red book with gold lettering.  There was a smiling large bald man on the cover with a fancy gold watch.

“What is that?” Smithann asked, “…and how is it dry?”

“Do not concern yourself with that, I must read to this woman and it will calm her and encourage her to speak.” Fritz leafed through the book and came upon a battered clump of pages.

“This book has been proven effective with similar beings I’ve encountered and I am certain it will work again.” Fitz nodded and looked in the woman’s direction. “I must proceed. Excuse me Smithann.” He nudged his way past her and walked straightaway to the seething woman.

“Hello my friend,” Fritz said down to her loudly and slowly, “I will begin reading to you now.”

He cleared his throat, “I am reading to you from the book “SELF MATTERS, Creating Your Life from the Inside Out, by a Mr. Phillip C. McGraw, PH.D.” he said loudly, “It will help you.”

AHHHHHHHHH” the woman screamed and barreled at him full speed.

“Smithann!” Fritz yelled, “At the ready!”  Smithann swooped in and swooped the tiny woman up into her cupped hands and held her there.  She bent down toward Fritz and then opened up a little crack between two fingers so that they could peep in and she could hear them.

An angry hand burst through the opening but Fritz just prodded it back in and commenced his reading.

The Role of Choice.” he began, “We don’t begin life with the privilege and responsibility of making choices for ourselves. Typically, we don’t even begin to differentiate ourselves from other living forms until the age of two.  Your dependence on your parents or other adult authorities means that, during your crucial years of growth and learning, they were the people who made your choices for you.  Questions about what to eat, what to wear…”

After a while, Smithann could feel the thrashing in her hands quiet down and even her own eyes got a little drowsy and the last thoughts she had before she fell asleep was of piranhas and badgers, an African fish eagle that swooped down to grab a small monkey, it flew high above the water into the air and a ferocious wolverine bringing down a deer many times its own size.  Oh and a box jellyfish, shortening tentacles, and a killer nervous system, in that order.


“Sucked out by the vacuum of space”

“Sucked out by the vacuum of space” -a short story. (Part 2, Chapter 1)

coming in your television boxesPlanet BlinkA happy and you know this“Sucked out by the vacuum of space” -a short story, Part 7, section 2What’s wrong with Ben2Timeshey you asked me and I gave it to you

“Sucked out by the vacuum of space” -a short story, Part 7, section 2

What the hell are you listening to?” Ben2Times asked Natalianese.

She was wriggling in her chair and nodding her head to some unknown beat and it was starting to annoy Ben2Times how happy and content she seemed while tied up.  He was the one that should be that happy and here she was all tied up and having a grand time and he was free and miserable.

“I mean… can you hear it in your head or whatever or what?  Because I can’t hear it.” He said and pulled up a straight-back chair in front of her.  He looked down at the two twisty ties connecting her wrists together.  They had eased up on the rope and now he was wondering about that.  She seemed fine though.

“What do you care?  You wouldn’t understand anyway…” Natalianese said and closed her eyes and smiled a little real smile.  He couldn’t believe it.

“Well, it’s just that… Listen, I wanna know okay?  Is that good enough? All of this stuff is happening and I need to know some things.  Starting with this. How can you hear things in your head that we can’t and… and… what are they saying” He asked and leaned forward in his chair, his elbows on his knees, looking straight at her.  “Will you just open your eyes?”

“Why” she replied.

“Natalianese… don’t be difficult.  It’s me, Ben2Times.  You know me, we have history okay?  Now wait- first of all no one has to know about that and don’t go being a radio reporter all skitzed out and shit telling everybody about it, but listen, you know me.  Look at me.”

Natalianese opened her eye.  The other three stayed shut and that bothered him but he kept it to himself.

“Ok, that’s good,” he said, “That’s a start. Now…”

“I don’t know you.” Natalianese said.

“What?! You know me, what are you talking about?” Ben2Times replied.

“I don’t know you.  Who knows anything these days? Who knows when the bumblebee will?  Who knows when the working and THE BEST EPIC army strong theme song composed by Hope and IJa…”

“Let’s not do this again.” Ben2Times interrupted.  “I don’t wanna hear all of that crazy shit and I definitely don’t want to have to body slam you again.” he said.

Ohhhhhh Ben….. are you gonna give me the whatfor?” Natalianese said sarcastically and opened a few more of her eyes.

“Oh I see, now I have your attention.  Do I have to make you angry to get your attention?” he asked her.

“Oh I see, now I have your attention.  Do I have to make you hangry to get your attention?” she sneered back.

“Oh My God what a child.” Ben2Times said and got up, exasperated.  He accidentally knocked the chair over and it landed, really only slightly grazed, Natalianese’s wrist.

“OHHHHH OHHHH it hurts.  YOU HAVE INJURED ME!” she cried while all of her eyes flew open in a series like some sort of weird Jurassic dance.

“That doesn’t even make sense…” Ben2Times said but he did feel a little guilty for hitting her while she was still technically tied together.  He leaned over to touch her hand gently and inspect it.

She stopped crying and looked at him deeply. “Ben2Times… I need you to do something for me” she said and pursed her lips in a quiver.

“What is it?” he said and looked up into her eyes.

They were watering.

“I…I feel kinda silly saying this but nobody’s brushed my hair.  I need you to brush my hair, it’s so much easier.” she said and looked demurely away.

He felt his gut cringe and couldn’t really identify what he was feeling.  “Sure Natalianese, let me go find a brush, I mean… I haven’t seen one since we’ve been here and now that I think of it, I’ve never seen any of us brush our hair or brush or teeth or anything.” He paused and looked into the distance of the lobby of the Burger Bop. “It’s like it’s not even there or we skip over that part or I keep waking up and doing other stuff but not little stuff like that.  Do you?  Do you dream about brushes?” he looked at her and blushed just a little. “I know that’s probably a weird question and all right now..”

“I do.” she replied.  “I dream about brushed all the time.”  She looked down at the twisty ties, “…in fact, that’s all I dream about…. brushes.” She looked up at him again. “You gotta help me Ben2Times, you’re the only one I can count on…”

“Okay, I’ll go find one, don’t worry.” he said and strode off toward the utility closet. d

A lone letter ‘d’ crept up behind Natalianese and tapped her on the shoulder.

“You again,” she sighed, “you know I can’t turn all the way around.”

“Yes you can, what are you saying?” the letter replied.

“You know what I mean.  What do you want anyway?”

“I wanna play gin rummy again.”

“They’re not supposed to know, okay?  I’m tied up.  That’s all there is… go away.” She replied.

“But I’m bored.”

“Git Outta here!” she hissed, “and I mean it.”

“Fine.” the letter replied.  “But you will rue.”

“What?” Natalianese asked, “what does that even mean?”

“You know… rue.  Your body will definitely rue.  I will make rue happen to you.  Expect it.  Like Hans Zimmer.”

“WHAT the fuck does that even mean?” she replied and then looked at him suspiciously, “Appalachian?  Are you the Appalachian I’ve been searching for?”  “Are you a muscle inspiration?”

What? That’s ridiculous,” the ‘d’ responded, “I doubt I will ever have the chance to zimmer or even…”

“Natalianese,” Ben2Times said as he walked up and surprised them.  “Why are you talking to that ‘d’?”

“She will rue, that’s why.” the ‘d’ responded.

“Rue what?” Ben2Times looked confused.

The ‘d’ turned away without responding and Natalianese shifted in her chair.

“Where’s the brush?” she asked him.

He looked despondantly around the Burger Bop.  “I couldn’t find one, Natalianese I’m sorry.”

“Well here…. just use your fingers” she said and looked at him curiously.

He walked over closer to her and began to run his fingers through her hair.  There were tangles and a few rough binds but they snapped through and Natalianese moaned softly, closing her eyes.  But then all of a sudden her eyes snapped open and she glared up at him.

“Hey. Who are you?” she asked.

“Hey, it’s me, Ben2Times… you know me.  What do you mean?”

“Sucked out by the vacuum of space” -a short story. (Part 2, Chapter 1)



The door to the Burger Bop burst open.  The doorstop shrieked and scuttled into the nearest corner, stifling a whimper, a little bloody.  Nobody cared.

“Smithann!” Her mom yelled through thought-transference. But Smithann could hardly hear it in her head because of all the letter ‘d’s suspended in the air.  She didn’t think that actual physical objects (especially huge, black, and shiny letter ‘d’s) would really be able to interfere with the way they talked. Or would they?

She had seen some weird stuff before- one time her friend Benitha was telling her a story about a guy at school and all of a sudden her eyes stopped peering deep into Smithann’s and her mouth opened wide and gross and the corners of her lips expanded and MOVED up on her face toward her cheeks and these strange guttural shrieks came out of her tube.  It was so crazy.  Smithann had heard the laughing track in her mind before but she had never seen a display as gross as this.  Afterward, Benitha picked up all of her books in a hurry and ran out of the room. They never talked about it again.

The ‘d’s were starting to accumulate and press up against the windows of the Burger Bop.  Some were small and very, very tiny.  They were getting stuck in the crevices of the Slurpee machine and she wondered how long it would take to coax them all out later.  Some were big and teetered on the edges of the counter and near the sack chute.  This was bad.

Her mom waded in through the ‘d’s, elbowing some of them, and finally stopped in front of Smithann, glaring at her angrily.  “What have you done?!” Smithann heard thinly in her head.

“Come on, Mom, you don’t see all these fucking ‘d’s in the air?  How would I know-“

Her mom’s eyes snapped closed suddenly and Smithann wasn’t sure if her mom had heard what she said but she really hoped so.  She really did.  Her mom’s eyes snapped back open and Smithann thought everything was okay but then they snapped back closed again.  It started going faster.  “Uh-oh,” she thought, “This isn’t helping.”

“Sit down Mom,” she thought, “over there.”  But she wasn’t sure if she heard her or not.  A lone ‘d’ suddenly popped up by her mom’s head but she didn’t even try to shoo it away with her hand.  Her eyes kept doing that weird closing thing while the ‘d’ bounced gently against her temple. Smithann decided it was time to try what she’d been practicing at home, thank God.  She opened her mouth but the door to the Burger Bop burst open again.





“What the fuck?” Ben2Times grimaced in his mind and immediately started knocking the ‘d’s out of his way and even stomped one into the linoleum.  Stephania stared at him angrily in amazement he hoped and he grabbed her hand and walked toward the counter.  He saw Smithann staring at her mom (of all people, damn!) while she opened and closed her eyes…  he had seen this before, too.  There was so much they didn’t know about him, no one did. Good.  He liked it that way, but for now, he didn’t care if they knew or not and the objective was to make Stephania stop clearing her throat and singing that song AND to fix his voice, etcetera.

Now this. Her mom, of all people.  Ben2Times let his mind wander back to the freight train that was three years ago.  He pictured Smithann’s mom in the backyard in that white bikini, him showing up drunk in the middle of the day and hoping to lean on Smithann’s shoulder… she was so good at being a friend and listening and not putting any demands on him.  He remembered Mrs. Filler’s sultry voice… “Call me Natalianese Ben.  I don’t mind…”

The way she glared at him when he walked into the backyard, put the lotion in his hands, put his hands on her tits.  He… he just… oh well, that was a long time ago and now was not the time to picture it especially with all this interference he might not know what was going through, or capable of going through into their heads.

All of this poured through his head while the ‘d’s bounced gently and ricocheted off their shoulders, floating through the air.



“I feel like you’re doing this to embarrass me.” Stephania heard in her head.

The problem was she wasn’t sure who said it.  It sounded so far away.  It could have ben Ben2Times but why would she try to embarrass him?  She would never do that, not in a million years.  Never.  For reals, never.

She couldn’t help it that the ‘d’s were doing whatever popped into her head.  The four of them had been here for like three years now standing at the counter of the Burger Bop and every time a thought or idea (or memory or wish or just fleeting things) or anything popped into her head the ‘d’s had evolved to start performing it.  But were they performing?  Now she wasn’t so sure.  Maybe they believed it.  Could they see her?  Could they see Ben?

Stephania cleared her throat.  She wasn’t sure but she could almost feel Ben2Times grimace. She looked at him but he was just looking at her in the usual, normal way.

It started 2 years ago.  They were all standing at the counter and she happened to think of a leather-studded flamingo gyrating and dancing awesomely to AC/DC’s classic tune “Thunderstruck.”  She didn’t know where it came from but she thought of it.

All of a sudden, one of the more hefty ‘d’s started gyrating and moving its bottom and she could swear that she heard the song playing just a little bit in the back of her head.  The ‘d’ picked up speed, moving it’s circular bottom and it almost seemed to turn a little pink hue but no one was quite sure, they never had fully agreed on that.  It was a moot point now though because since then they had witnessed the ‘d’s doing some pretty weird things.

The thunderstruck flamingo never stopped dancing and eventually started picking up other ‘d’s and tossing them on the wall or seeming to kiss them deeply, swooning to the ground. And at one point most of the other ‘d’s in the Burger Bop started encircling the walls while these connected steel cages glimmered thinly into view and then all the ‘d’ flamingos were inside the connected steel cages gyrating and rocking out while the initial rock ‘d’ continued his gyrations and pure awesomeness. He periodically pulled random ‘d’s from the auditorium-like cages that were now glamoured in the walls and seemed to kiss them deeply, and naturally the swoon.  The four of them had about four weeks of hard work sweeping up ‘d’s and it was getting very distracting.

“Stephania!” Ben yelled, “STOP THINKING OF FLAMINGOS!”

“I’m not! I’m trying so hard.  I’m literally not thinking of flamingos.” She said as she softly hummed “…thuuuunderstuck..”

“Stop it.  Just stop it.”

“I’m not.” She whined as Smithann’s mom’s eyes kept closing and opening, which was still really weird and hard for her to look at.

“I feel like you’re trying to embarrass me.” Ben said, but all she heard from far away was “…..emb…rrs…. eeeee.”

She could barely hear him but she knew what he was saying.  She decided to just glare at him anyway.  He didn’t know.  The one thing she did know was that she wasn’t trying to embarrass him.  She wouldn’t do that until a million years. Well, at least not intentionally.

You have to be careful.” She heard from somewhere.

“Duly noted,” she thought, as a leather-studded flamingo drifted by, sniffing coke above her head.


PART 1 “Sucked out by the vacuum of space”

Both are correct, it just depends on who/what is doing the action (sucking/blowing).

 “Sucked out by the vacuum of space”

-a short story


Smithann took her fries out of the bin.  She twiddled with the greasy phalange-type crustables and let her mind daydream about Ben2Times.  The long spatula probe caught on a lone fry and its collapsible eye bulged open and wearily blinked, then closed.  “Come on, sweet sleepy guy…” she muttered distractedly in a sing song voice and the fry fell all the way to sleep while she slid it gently into the sack.

“Order up!” Smithann yelled into her collar which she knew she didn’t even have to say or yell but liked the idea of it anyway.  Usually, whenever she just thought a thought it would project out into the air around her, so she didn’t have to worry about using words or things like that. But she liked to practice using sounds with her throat at home when no one was around and it felt nice when she could make it happen.  Ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

Wow, that was weird, Smithann thought when she noticed all the letter “d”s floating around her in the air.  “Where did those come from?”




It was another crap day in another crap bed with another crap shitty pod jumper he had picked up last week.  Ben2Times stared at the beige fold of a bedsheet that probably used to be white.  He hated this bed.  He stared at the helix of crust residue gathering momentum into a weird trail on the sheets and decided today was the day he would make so many changes.  He hated this life.  He would make more changes than anyone would believe.  Starting now!

He grabbed a hefty corner of grungy sheets and yanked with all his might.  The pod jumper sprang awake and bounced halfway into the air, her huge green breasts bouncing and awesome, he had to admit.  “Get up you cranky green pheromone affair!” Ben2Times yelled playfully into the air.  Well really he thought the concept of yelling it playfully into the air and so it happened like that in her brain, so he hoped.  But for now he just stared at her creepily and intense until she received the message.  She stared back deep into his eyes with rage until the irony receptors on her left skin fluttered and she laughed heartily, bouncing and green and all.  God, she is bountiful, Ben2Times thought, but then he shook his head vigorously and cleared his throat in his head.  But nothing happened.

He did it again.


Seeing that there was some kind of malfunction or maybe he was having a weird dream or something he tried to figure out what to do in order to fix this problem.  He had planned to say, “When are you gonna wash these sheets around here?” or something like that, but none of the words were going in her head and they seemed to be stuck in his, but not really, he couldn’t figure it out.

Ben2Times didn’t know what to do so he walked over to Stephania and shook her shoulders a bit.  She continued to stare angrily into his eyes as was par the course but something was off.  Usually, when they stared at each other it was easy.  They both knew what the other was saying or wanted to say and only very rarely it would sometimes get disengaged, but he knew that that was when she knew she had had an Article 4563 thought and enacted the common drill of erasure which no one had yet figured to encroach or filhack, or so they were told.  He shook Stephania’s shoulders a little harder but still nothing happened. Finally, he let his hands fall slack, and they just stared.

After ten minutes, Stephania bent her knee a little and started this weird little stretch dance type thing with her left leg from the knee down.  She kept staring deep into his eyes but the rest of her body didn’t really move and the wind from the pod vent curled the bits of hair flying about her intense face.

After her leg stretch she stopped staring at him, which was strange.  No one usually does that, at least not in real life.  Her head bent down and she let her feet curl into the heavily padded floor.  He looked down too and then noticed a pizza crust from the night before bent inside one of the creases of the plush folds so he picked it up, plopped it in his mouth, and continued to stare at the floor.  The pizza was good.

He felt a soft tap on his shoulder and looked up.  Stephania was staring down at him longingly, or so he thought. Now he couldn’t tell, everything seemed off-kilter.  He heard a strange sound and realized that she was clearing her throat.  In real life.

It sounded beautiful.




With all the ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddds floating in the air, Smithann had a hard time with the lunch rush.  The fries kept waking up and arguing with each other and she was so distracted that she didn’t lull them back to obey and they fought tooth and nail not to go in the sack.  It was tiring.  “Come on little babies…” she’d coo but the dddddddddddds would bump and bounce off the sides of her cheeks and sometimes fall down into the fry bin and crush a poor fry flat.  It was sad.

One time, a “d” actually flew straight up into the air like a rocket and broke through the pod roof and now she was going to have to explain the hole, the probe, and the pack of buns that blew out before she could get to the second hatch and pressurize.  What an awful day.  She had to get some help before more d’s were sucked or blown or whatever the fuck was going on.  She tried Ben2Times like five times and there was no answer which had absolutely never happened to her before.

Everyone always answers unless they have Moved On and at that point there is a memorial enactment and the Big Like.  Maybe she would try her mom, but she knew at that point it would get weird because her mom was always coming up with new theories of why we exist in the world and finding new theorists to meet with her and recondition her vials and so she might save that head of ache and call her aunt.  At least she didn’t pod with the doctors like her mom sometimes did (and think she didn’t know).  Where was Ben2Times?  Why was he unavailable?  Who does that?


Stephania cleared her throat again.  It felt good.  Real good.  She thought she just might do this forever.  Clearing the throat and being super sexy and green.  Guys would like that.

She could tell Ben2Times did.  He was feeling it.  She cleared her throat again and stared angrily, deeply into his eyes.

Stephania cleared her throat.

She did it again.

The lights died.



When the lights went off suddenly, Ben2Times figured he’d had enough.  He cleared his throat. He heard Stephania do the same.  Enough of this crap, he thought and nothing happened.  He heard Stepahnia clear her throat again and he decided to do something, anything to get something done.  He felt his way through the darkness and picked up a Light/Tunes/Cooking rod and threw it into the opposite wall.  The crash was loud, but not what he hoped for, not like the movies.

“That was weird.” He heard a booming voice yell.

“Stephania…. was that you?” He heard the words gurgle up from his throat and they sounded tinny, far away.  Why was Stephania’s voice so awesome and his so crappy, wtf.  He wanted the awesome voice.

“I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A MODERN MAJOR-GENERAL…” her voiced boomed in a sing-song way and he could hear her feet doing a little shuffle in the dark.  Well, he hoped that was her feet.


“Stephania, stop.” His voice came out even tinnier than before and now he could smell a slight burning in the room and it seemed electrical.  He wasn’t sure if it was from the warming rod crash or what was happening.  They had to get out of here and start to figure this thing out.  Maybe Smithann could help.  Fuck.  He couldn’t tap her and now he would have to find her.  She was probably at work and he’d have to take Stephania with him.

“MINERAL!” Stephania yelled and he found her body in the dark and placed his finger forcefully against her lips.  She tried to bite and he grabbed her hip with his other hand to discourage it, and so she licked instead. God, she was sexy.  Crazy, but fun and sexy (and maddening), the perfect kind of jumper.

He fished around in the dark and grabbed her black g-string and flip flops, thrust them in her hands, and decided right then that they were going to stop and the Clothe and Go for a proper Citizen 7 shirt and maybe trousers.  He couldn’t traipse her to the Burger Bop like this, especially not with Smithann there. True, they were just friends, but it was just not the way things were done.  His Papa taught him that 3000 fjoids ago.  He had never forgot it.


To be continued!

I’m going to start saying more of what I think

Maybe it will make me feel better .

So there was another school shooting today, as usual.



It’s fucked up, yes.  He obviously needed help and was mentally fucked up, you can tell from what the witnesses said he was acting, ”

Throughout the attack, the assailant didn’t yell or say anything, Bower said.
“He was completely silent, which was very creepy. Not even when he was shot (by police),” the student said.
So it was a sad day there, and oh stupid internet also made sure to say that he was brown
I used to try to not talk about race too much but fuck that. Now that the KKK is in the office I’m going to point it out all the time and most of my friends are black or brown or all other races and I’m not going to be cool anymore.  Not that I was before anyways.
So what I’m saying is that I wonder if he were a white kid, would he have been fatally shot like that in less than a minute?  I just wonder…
The officer fatally shot the assailant, eliminating the risk to students, authorities said.

Dude had a knife, not a gun and

“Our officer was on scene in less than a minute, and he ended the situation in less than a minute.”

Pleaes for the love of god somebody eliminate my risk and end my situation.

but I’m going down in flames

And for those of you who say,”Oh no, o gee golly no! how in the world could this happen????”  You guys can go fuck yourself.  You know how it happens.

Take a regular guy
regular, right?
Add in a half the country telling him he’s a piece of shit
over and over again
then make the president say the same shit
now his brain says everyday when he wakes up “hey guy, you’re a piece of shit, and nobody likes you.  Everybody agrees- you suck.”

That’s how it happens you assholes.