“How can you do those things you do?” Fitz asked the now flattened piece of paper.
“Wha? Why are you even bothering with me?” the paper answered flatly.
“I mean what I say my good friend, how can you do those things you do and still sleep at night?” Fitz demanded and stepped onto the edge of the large piece of paper. He tried to scoot it with his foot but since he was only 3 inches tall the paper loomed and thwartened him.
“Ahhhh… that makes me happy…” the paper moaned and shuddered slightly.
“Ewww… no… stop that.” Fitz demanded and quickly removed his foot. “And you made a huge mistake. You did not answer my question: how can you do the things you do and still sleep at night?”
The paper stop shuddering and sighed. “If you must be a bore about it and take out all my fun… I didn’t make a mistake… I just didn’t answer you. Simple.” The paper sighed again and looked up into the dirty rafters. She didn’t want to be here on Planet Blink anymore. It had been years since a good one and there were never any pencils around. Now this idiot and his ditzy sidekick, Smithann, (what a name) of all people were here on her planet and she had to show up to work and shuttle them around.
“Listen Fitz, I don’t know what you expected, but as the Crumpled Paper Society noted in the travel brochure they sent to your Freezer, we do not guarantee full comprehension of our galaxy nor a safety travel back. Did you even read the disclosure in the second paragraph of the second to last page of the last finale of the third way of being under “Hide this Posting” subtitled Come throat me – w4m (Meadow Valley)?”
“Yes, yes, we have read the fine print and I was just querying ass to why or how you felt the need to…” Fitz persisted.
“OMG” the paper sighed “HERE on PLANET BLINK under the affiliate of Meadow Valley working in accordance with Sierra County we do NOT answer personal queries unless they are listed under the coordinate “Sexual Positions or Methods to Unplug the Sink Disposal for Dummies.” We’ve been over this.”
“I’m sorry Crumpled… I’m sorry Flattened slice of paper, we don’t mean to be a bother, I think Fitz was just wondering…” Smithann interrupted but the paper stopped her short.
“Look at our planet, Smithann. Just look. Do you think we care about your moral ways of being and filthy heart space-filled eruptions?”
Smithann looked around at Planet Blink. It was a barren land of not much to do. Actually the only thing Smithann had seen was this big empty warehouse so far.
The paper watched her and thought about all of the more fun things she could be doing than carting these two morons around. There was a movie playing at the Disease Free Cinematic. She could catch that. There was also a sun shining somewhere in the fourth quandrant near the Very Kinky Sitter. She always liked catch the suns and drive them down from the sky with her laser beam power.
She enjoyed creeping up the horizon, spotting the jumbly, bumbling, stupid happy sun, and BAM! Blasting it suddenly with three red fiery laser beams from her hole punch rings and it would shriek and melt down from the sky whimpering sadly. She knew it could always come back the next day though so she didn’t feel so bad about it. It’s not like she was damaging it forever or nothing. It was fun.
And something to do. Ever since most of the pencils had evacuated Planet Blink there was no one to fill in the blanks (as well as talk to except the tourists.) Yes, the pens were still here but they were boring as fuck and she…
“By the way, you never told us your name…” Fitz asked.
“Your name is Average? Well my, that is quite odd… does it not bother you?” Fitz asked.
“Does the name Fitz bother you?” Average asked.
“Oh my, no, no never. I am named after the great and illustrious wr-“
“Oh save it, we have some more scraps to find before we can stop for lunch.” Average cut in.
Fitz stopped talking abrubtly and he and Smithann started tooking around the barren warehouse for more crumpled pieces of paper or sodden receipts to unfold. Average watched disdainfully as they performed their tourist duties and then she ordered a cup of latte from the main office. She would join them soon but for now she was taking a break, she was tired.
It had been a long night of filing Weekend Treats and marking up the brochures to be sent to all the galaxies they could reach. The more tourists the better, as the old boss used to say, although she wasn’t sure where he was now, as he was rounded up during the Fits and Metaphors.
A scrap fluttered by Average. She knew what was on it even before picking it up, she had seen this one a few times before,
EVEN THE ESCORTS ARENT RESPONDING - m4w (95923)
Average didn’t know how much Smithann and Fitz knew. Obviously, they had responded to her travel agency and paid the fee, but did they even have any idea what they were getting into? Fitz seemed to be picking up on something but she knew she didn’t have to worry a whit about Smithann, that louse. Or is it lice? Average all of a sudden felt sleepy and wished that her one special Pencil was here to correct her. She liked to be corrected. By him, that is.
Suddenly Smithann came running up to her waving a long strip of paper and smiling stupidly. Average tried to turn around smoothly and completely ignore her but Smithann just circled around and still encroach her.
“What is it Smithann?”
“A long one! I found a long one…. maybe it’s enough words to get us up to the slip quota and then we can all go eat, I mean, Fitz is getting grumpy and even though he’s not really, technically my boyfri-“
“No one cares.”
“No, I mean he’s really very handsome and all, but the way things are and such-“
“I do not care.”
“Well, I’m sure if you got to know us more and…” Smithann trailed off and kept smiling at her blandly. Average felt a little bit of bile at the back of her throat and squinted very hard hoping that if she squinted hard enough the child would disappear and she could think of her pencils alone and in reverie.
“Oh, you’re still here,” she realized after a few minutes, “let’s hear it then.”
Smithann unfurled the scrollish piece of paper and Fitz trampled over very noisily while Average waited on the words. She hoped that this time it would be enough. It would be enough information or some new thing where they could take it to the last boss left and maybe figure out a way out of this mess.
And her paper did seem pretty long. She hoped it was the one.
“Ok!” Smithann smiled widely and pushed her blue hair spike down to the left toward her toes, “Here goes, hope I don’t mess it up!”
and respect boundaries. I will be shaved and would like to shower there
world. I a fitting metaph
It’s time – w4m
his is to add some sexy new things d
40’s Dom fall in the whole ppened pretty fast.
Office or HWe are both clean,
We chat about current events, then you ask me to look at your leaking sink.
likes: fun minded people
dislikes: rude/crass p erience when exiseople
Looking for a Grandma type who Still enjoys Co
“Ok stop right there,” Average sighed and looked around the empty warehouse, “There’s nothing new…” she muttered.
A barren breeze shot from the ac unit while Fitz continued to stare longingly at Smithann. The paper slammed her coffee down, “We need to keep searching.”