Anytime, Anyplace

How can I explain myself?

Could all be so simple, but we’d rather make it hard loving like a battle two scars
who to be to gain reciprocity see no one loves more than me and no will
a silly game? no. that forces to act this way? no. scream my name then pretend that you can’t stay.
who i have to be to gain some reciprocity see no one loving more than me see
no matter how i think we grow you sometimes seem to let me know this ain’t working as
painful as this has been i can’t be with all other else.
forgiving me?

I letting you back in…care for me? care for me? you said you care for me there for me said you’d cry for me die for me said you’d die for me give to me give for we you said there there to me

Humming that song today, and it made me a little sad. I made a mistake and then jess thinks i’m interested in this other guy among many and when i try to tell him no! I was just going to the party to see who was there and check it out dance a little, conversation, maybe try the snacks he got all pissed like i was planning to fuck all these guys, even one. I told him that I like just him but he doesn’t beleive me and who could blame him I am really hot. well lately after I finally stopped eating all the ice cream and going swimming with Heather and Bobby. So I guess I did make a mistake but forgiving others right? learning and all. plus i didn’t know if he was all serious about me anyway with all the business calls and cancels I thought maybe i was putting too much in. we’ll see what happens i guess no worries. meanwhile heather and bobby omg.

Omg Bobby. Wtf? He lost his shit. I think. The other day we get to the pool in caps and changed into secrets of swimming and he starts blowing shit away from him. Like I guess he thought there were spirits (bad?) around him and he kept on trying to blow them vigerously away or something. It was odd. Then occasionally running to the exit door or locker and blowing through the crack. Ok Bobby you need to chill we said. He was like I’m fine. I didn’t know what to do so I just started messing with the filter and humming alicia keys (that song Diary) cuz its what Jess kept playing for me over and over in the car until i said why? and he said idk subliminal. Heather acted like it wasn’t happenning then dived in the pool for the laps and I did too. He got in pretty soon and nobody said anything.

Then mom oh shit mom. She’s so sad. She met this guy and in her mind they were hanging out but doubtful because I never saw them together in person. At all. I told her mom- if it’s meant to be its meant to be and don’t worry go out more and she said yeah but i didn’t want him to think i was a shallow. I don’t even know what she’s talking about and now I think she making it all up. Where is this guy? We’ll see. Ughh life. Im going to write more cuz it helps